The Reality of Facebook

When I joined Facebook, I did so under the urging of my brother. He convinced me that it was a suitable social networking site for adults. I took his word for it and set up my own page. I soon found that he was right. Although I wasn't able to "decorate" my space, I was able to find old high school friends, connect with my family and interact with my church family as well. In the beginning the experience was great. It was fun to allow others to get a peek into my thoughts through my status. It was equally interesting to see what was on the mind of others. That still continues to be the most enjoyable part of the Facebook experience.

And then I witnessed my first written debate. Now, I love a good debate. I am a firm believer that it is possible to agree to disagree and still maintain a friendship. I do think that some people have trouble conquering that, but more on that subject later.
I have said and I have heard and read that Facebook is not "real life", that it isn't that crucial, that its not that serious. May I submit the following to you:

That is NOT true.

Here's why, Facebook is a microcosm of your life. You post pictures of yourself and your friends and family at parties, weddings, school etc. Your REAL life. You discuss your personal current events, your personal views and beliefs. Your profile describes who you are and what you do. Your friends list is filled with people in your inner, outer and fringe sphere of influence that includes family, friends and associates.

How is this not "REAL Life"?

Let's go further, people behave and react to the happenings and climate on Facebook the same way they do in the "REAL World". Opinionated people are still full of opinion. Those that watch life from the sidelines keep that seat. Encouragers encourage. Exhorters exhort. Funny people make jokes and business minded individuals are all about business. These are the same people we encounter on a daily basis. Some people we know better than others and others we get to know through status updates, comments, profile summaries and pictures.

People use this as a way of expressing themselves, confessions, venting, promoting, surveys and general conversation. It is inevitable that someone will say something that you will see as offensive, in poor taste or just plain do not like. That is life. The difference is how you react to these things.

That's what I want to focus on for a moment. How you react to things that are written on Facebook. Earlier I wrote about the first time I encountered a written debate. I have to say I read it and thought," man these folks need to get a life. Its just Facebook. I mean it isn't that serious". I felt that way until I found myself engaged in a war or words with someone. Without going into detail, let just say the other party took the matter outside of Facebook and when they see me in public they avoid speaking to me. That's sad, considering we didn't speak that much to begin with. To make matters worse, I was defriended by some people because of that incident. It seems I was too "controversial". Which I really didn't understand seeing that the majority of the debate occurred through private messages and they were not involved in the matter in anyway. I chalked the whole matter up to "paying my dues" as a writer. As much as I love my fans...everybody is not loving me! In the end I did gain some of those people back as "friends".

I don't know about you, but I think that is exactly how people behave in everyday situations. Think about it, how many times have you heard of or been involved in a situation where you or someone else had an exchange of words that led to a falling out that involved people that had nothing to do with the entire situation? Can you see a pattern yet?

I have noticed lately that people say serious, heavy things, I mean it seems as though they have gone into deep thought over their statement. And they answer and make conversation with those that agree with them. But the moment they come in contact with a statement that they disagree with or someone challenges their position, who they REALLY are comes to light. More often than not they will find those who agree with them and then turn on the person that challenges them. They do so without ever reviewing the situation and trying to see it from another angle. They are hell bent on holding fast to what they believe, even if they are proven wrong. Can you see another pattern?

People that are committed to their beliefs and viewpoints can debate them without feeling threatened or challenged by someone else's opinion. They have no problem with agreeing to disagree with someone else. I can say that I have come across these people and their polar opposite. I used to let it bother me until I realized they were just being themselves.

Then there are the people who take Facebook issues and translate them into "real life". It becomes the topic of the majority of their conversation. Before you know it offense has turned into bitterness, friends get defriended, relationships are strained and worse case scenario, family members don't speak to each other, all because of a misunderstanding on Facebook.

That's craziness! What's even crazier is that people will attempt to justify their actions by shifting all responsibility to the other party, never owning up to their own junk or even seeking another way to deal with the issue. - How sad.

What is it that causes us to join Facebook, enter numerous pieces of personal information, personal pictures, feelings, play games with others, give gifts, bumper stickers, comments, advice, and pokes only to declare "Hey! Lighten up it isn't real life! It isn't that serious!" because we were offended or turned off by what someone said on Facebook. What makes anyone think that a gathering of two or more human beings in one spot whether in "real life" or cyber life would not bring out the true character of those involved?

These are things that can occur without Facebook as the vehicle.

Think about this, when was the last time you read someone else's status and refrained from commenting. Or you read a note and became enraged or how many surveys or questionnaires have you answered that ask for 25 things about you that no one knows. The point I'm making is, it is naïve to take the position that Facebook is not like real life when it fact it is. If nothing else Facebook is a mirror that shows you your TRUE self. If you get angry about another persons opinion then perhaps you need to step back and take a deep breath before firing off a response. If you decide who should or should not be your "friend" based on what their opinion is or how they express themselves you may need to check yourself. Chances are you are like that away from Facebook and quite frankly that is no way to judge anyone. Lastly if you find yourself at odds with close friends or family over an incident on Facebook, chances are there was a problem in your relationship way before you all joined the site. In that case, you have to consider if the issue or your relationship is more important.

And that is the reality of Facebook.