Dr. Henry L. Gates aka G-Money

I've heard it said, that we have a new president but this is the same America.

I believe it to be true.

The election of Barack Obama should have been a turning point in race relations in our country. It was the promise of seeing Martin Luther King, Jr.'s dream come alive.

Then, reality put its foot down.

I have a 15 soon to be 16 year old son. His father and I have raised him to be respectful, mannerable, and most of all in fear and admonition of the Lord.

Then came"the rules", NEVER resist arrest. Never run, never talk back, no loitering, no yelling in public, turn the music down when you see a squad car, if the police are behind you never turn around, you'll appear suspicious and they may pull you over. Don't ever get into a vehicle with 3 or more or your black friends, it looks suspicious. Obey the curfew laws. Don't jaywalk. When speaking to an officer, look him in the eye and make no sudden moves and keep your hands out of your pockets and at your side. If they ask for ID, present it immediately.

I think Dr. Gates may have forgotten "the rules".

You see, as a Harvard professor, he is respected by his colleagues and students. He has sold books, has had numerous shows on PBS and he has even been on Oprah! This is man has accomplished a great deal in the academic world. He is a mature gentleman, wears glasses and walks with a cane. However, the day he was arrested, only one thing stood out...

He's black.

Depending on who you ask, that isn't a crime in this country. But it can prove to be problematic. It is unfortunate how stereotypical people can be. It is a harsh reminder that sometimes no matter how much you've achieved you are still viewed as a just another black man up to no good.

I can't say that I would not have called the police if I saw what appeared to be a strange person in my neighborhood attempting to break in my neighbors home. Here's the problem, the woman that made the call didn't see a glasses wearing, cane carrying Harvard professor who was locked out of his home. She saw a black man trying to break into a house. What's even worse, she doesn't realize its her neighbor.

Can you see the problem? Let me explain.

He LIVES in this neighborhood, he is employed by Harvard as a professor, he has been on television but she didn't see any of that. All she saw was a black man in her predominately white neighborhood.

When the police did arrive he was already in his home. The officers approached him and asked for ID. Now here is where the earlier mentioned "rules" come into play. Even if you are in your own house, if the police ask for your ID, give it to them. Had this been a white professor, the incident would have ended with a sorry for the inconvenience, have a good day. It was clear that Dr. Gates was agitated and at this point, for a black person, freedom of speech does not apply. It has been my personal experience that it is best to hold your peace and do what is asked of you.

( I know right now every slain civil rights activist is turning in their graves)

It is sad and unfortunate but true. But it sure is better than a ride in the back of a squad car or worse, a police beat down.

I purchased a ruby red Durango last year and I was really excited about it. I took my brother for a ride around 9:30pm one evening. On our way home I was pulled over by the police. I had on a seat belt, was driving the speed limit and my music could only be heard inside the truck. After pulling to the side of the road, the officer came up to my side and tapped my window with the butt of his flashlight. I rolled the window down and he did not greet me with a smile nor a hello. He asked me point blank, and very firm, where I was coming from. I told him I had just come from the store and he asked, with a smirk and irritation, oh yeah what store. Ok now I'm getting heated, because I have no clue as to why he stopped me. But I remembered "the rules". He asked me where I got the truck from. I said it was mine I just bought it. He then asked where I got it from, keep in mind I still
don't know why I've been pulled over and he is speaking to me as though I am not being upfront and truthful. But I'm still remembering "the rules". He says oh so you just bought it huh? Well I need to see some ID. Just for reference, I have new license plates on my truck, not a temporary tag. I gave him the ID and my registration, he smirks and goes back to the car. After checking out my story he returns to tell me that a cherry red Durango with temporary tags had just been reported stolen. When they saw me they had just received the call.

I can understand Dr. Gates' aggravation. It is beyond irritating to be accused falsely. Especially when it is your property that you pay for.

There is one thing that brings all of this together. No one saw that I worked everyday to pay for that truck. No one saw that I was tremendously blessed to even have it, no one saw that I was a good person, that I loved my family or that I loved to write. None of that mattered. It didn't matter that my vehicle did not completely match the description or that they never had to stop me in the first place, because running the plate would have given them the answers they needed. No, I was a black woman in a truck with a black man for a passenger, even though the other truck was stolen by two men. I had every right to be angry, appalled, upset and insulted. But I had to follow "the rules".

My son is a good kid. I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom, I'm saying it because it's true. The unfortunate reality is, he had to be taught how to survive if he ever must deal with the police. The incident with Dr. Gates just further proves, no degrees, books written, salary range, size of your home or amount in your bank account, fully separates you from the Pookies and G-Moneys of the world. You are still judged by your skin color and for that reason, you must follow the "rules".

Welcome back to reality Dr. Gates. We still have a long way to go.

What Freedom Means to Me

Each year we celebrate the Fourth of July with fireworks and barbecues. My father always took great pride and care in planning for the holiday festivities. I can remember how he made a grocery list weeks in advance and how he and my mom would sit down together to plan the menu and it was always the same. Daddy would grill chicken, pork chops and ribs and Mommie would make baked beans, potato salad, and corn on the cob. There was always popsicles in the freezer for me and my brother and that continued to benefit my two kids. We always had a huge amount of Pepsi to drink and my mom made sure we were dressed in red white and blue.

When my father died two years ago, that all changed. It didn't mean the same to me. I didn't want any barbecue or to go see the fireworks. I didn't want to be involved. People who meant well told me that I should do all those things to honor my father. They were right but I just didn't feel it.

Until this year.

I'm not saying its totally there, but, there is a peek of excitement going on.

It started when I found out we would have a Freedom Celebration service at church on Sunday. I'm in the choir so, I had to put together a red,white and blue outfit and sing patriotic songs. That started a series of events. I put a patriotic design on my toes because I was determined to wear sandals, I took extra time to find jewelry that had stars on it and I really paid attention to the lyrics of the songs we were singing. Something I hadn't done in a long time.

And that's when it all hit me. I am free. Not just physically but mentally and spiritually. I live in a country that is not perfect but, I am free to worship! I am free to love! I am free to write! I am free to read the Bible, attend the church of my choice, free to shop, free to live. I am free!

Then I thought of my Daddy. A veteran of the United States Air Force. He served this country, his country, my country so I could enjoy all of these freedoms. So, this year I will celebrate the Fourth of July because I am free and I will remember all the fun I had in years past and I will do so with the same enthusiasm as my Daddy. Because now I understand why he made such a big deal out of the holiday. Because he fought to make sure we would always have a reason to celebrate.

Thank you Daddy!

Happy Fourth of July everyone!

The Reality of Facebook

When I joined Facebook, I did so under the urging of my brother. He convinced me that it was a suitable social networking site for adults. I took his word for it and set up my own page. I soon found that he was right. Although I wasn't able to "decorate" my space, I was able to find old high school friends, connect with my family and interact with my church family as well. In the beginning the experience was great. It was fun to allow others to get a peek into my thoughts through my status. It was equally interesting to see what was on the mind of others. That still continues to be the most enjoyable part of the Facebook experience.

And then I witnessed my first written debate. Now, I love a good debate. I am a firm believer that it is possible to agree to disagree and still maintain a friendship. I do think that some people have trouble conquering that, but more on that subject later.
I have said and I have heard and read that Facebook is not "real life", that it isn't that crucial, that its not that serious. May I submit the following to you:

That is NOT true.

Here's why, Facebook is a microcosm of your life. You post pictures of yourself and your friends and family at parties, weddings, school etc. Your REAL life. You discuss your personal current events, your personal views and beliefs. Your profile describes who you are and what you do. Your friends list is filled with people in your inner, outer and fringe sphere of influence that includes family, friends and associates.

How is this not "REAL Life"?

Let's go further, people behave and react to the happenings and climate on Facebook the same way they do in the "REAL World". Opinionated people are still full of opinion. Those that watch life from the sidelines keep that seat. Encouragers encourage. Exhorters exhort. Funny people make jokes and business minded individuals are all about business. These are the same people we encounter on a daily basis. Some people we know better than others and others we get to know through status updates, comments, profile summaries and pictures.

People use this as a way of expressing themselves, confessions, venting, promoting, surveys and general conversation. It is inevitable that someone will say something that you will see as offensive, in poor taste or just plain do not like. That is life. The difference is how you react to these things.

That's what I want to focus on for a moment. How you react to things that are written on Facebook. Earlier I wrote about the first time I encountered a written debate. I have to say I read it and thought," man these folks need to get a life. Its just Facebook. I mean it isn't that serious". I felt that way until I found myself engaged in a war or words with someone. Without going into detail, let just say the other party took the matter outside of Facebook and when they see me in public they avoid speaking to me. That's sad, considering we didn't speak that much to begin with. To make matters worse, I was defriended by some people because of that incident. It seems I was too "controversial". Which I really didn't understand seeing that the majority of the debate occurred through private messages and they were not involved in the matter in anyway. I chalked the whole matter up to "paying my dues" as a writer. As much as I love my fans...everybody is not loving me! In the end I did gain some of those people back as "friends".

I don't know about you, but I think that is exactly how people behave in everyday situations. Think about it, how many times have you heard of or been involved in a situation where you or someone else had an exchange of words that led to a falling out that involved people that had nothing to do with the entire situation? Can you see a pattern yet?

I have noticed lately that people say serious, heavy things, I mean it seems as though they have gone into deep thought over their statement. And they answer and make conversation with those that agree with them. But the moment they come in contact with a statement that they disagree with or someone challenges their position, who they REALLY are comes to light. More often than not they will find those who agree with them and then turn on the person that challenges them. They do so without ever reviewing the situation and trying to see it from another angle. They are hell bent on holding fast to what they believe, even if they are proven wrong. Can you see another pattern?

People that are committed to their beliefs and viewpoints can debate them without feeling threatened or challenged by someone else's opinion. They have no problem with agreeing to disagree with someone else. I can say that I have come across these people and their polar opposite. I used to let it bother me until I realized they were just being themselves.

Then there are the people who take Facebook issues and translate them into "real life". It becomes the topic of the majority of their conversation. Before you know it offense has turned into bitterness, friends get defriended, relationships are strained and worse case scenario, family members don't speak to each other, all because of a misunderstanding on Facebook.

That's craziness! What's even crazier is that people will attempt to justify their actions by shifting all responsibility to the other party, never owning up to their own junk or even seeking another way to deal with the issue. - How sad.

What is it that causes us to join Facebook, enter numerous pieces of personal information, personal pictures, feelings, play games with others, give gifts, bumper stickers, comments, advice, and pokes only to declare "Hey! Lighten up it isn't real life! It isn't that serious!" because we were offended or turned off by what someone said on Facebook. What makes anyone think that a gathering of two or more human beings in one spot whether in "real life" or cyber life would not bring out the true character of those involved?

These are things that can occur without Facebook as the vehicle.

Think about this, when was the last time you read someone else's status and refrained from commenting. Or you read a note and became enraged or how many surveys or questionnaires have you answered that ask for 25 things about you that no one knows. The point I'm making is, it is naïve to take the position that Facebook is not like real life when it fact it is. If nothing else Facebook is a mirror that shows you your TRUE self. If you get angry about another persons opinion then perhaps you need to step back and take a deep breath before firing off a response. If you decide who should or should not be your "friend" based on what their opinion is or how they express themselves you may need to check yourself. Chances are you are like that away from Facebook and quite frankly that is no way to judge anyone. Lastly if you find yourself at odds with close friends or family over an incident on Facebook, chances are there was a problem in your relationship way before you all joined the site. In that case, you have to consider if the issue or your relationship is more important.

And that is the reality of Facebook.