Give Honor to Whom Honor is Due

Every year, we set aside time to honor both Mothers and Fathers. The Bible commands that we honor our father and mother and so it is right to do so. Both parents make known and unknown sacrifices for their children. Some parents are models for others to follow and some are an example of what not to do. But why is it that on Mother's day we seem to overlook the moms who have abandoned their children, abused them, neglected them, placed their wants and needs over their children's? But Father's day is used to call out every deadbeat dad around and then women feel the need to hijack the holiday, because as a single mother they feel they should be recognized as both father and mother, why is that?

You never hear dads claiming Mother's day because they go above and beyond in the absence of a mother.

First, I want to put this out there, both of my children were born before I married their father. Without going into a lot of detail, I completely understand the struggles of being a single mom. And with kids that were 16 months apart, it was rough!

I believe that neither day is a time to bash absentee parents. If you have nothing good to say about your experience then it is best to say nothing. Why ruin the day for everyone because you had a bad experience? If your mom wasn't around then honor a woman who stepped into your life and became a mother to you. If your father fell short, then honor the man who gave you fatherly advice. If you really want to flex your maturity, tell your absentee parent "thank you for coming together and creating me". Now THAT is honor.

One thing that I will never understand is how on either holiday some single mothers seem to have an entitlement attitude. Like they DESERVE recognition because they are parenting alone. I'm going to be extremely blunt, and I'm prefacing it on purpose, so if you would like to stop reading now is the time. Ready?

No one owes you ANYTHING. Period. You don't DESERVE special recognition. Why? Because YOU chose to lay down with a man you were not married to and make a baby. If you didn't intend to get pregnant then the choice to make was to keep your panties up and your dress down. The consequences of your actions is single parenthood and you know that going into it. Being a single mother SHOULD not be a badge of honor, but at the same time it is not a mark of shame. When it happens, stand up, brush yourself off and make a life for you and your child. But don't expect people to feel sorry for you or put you on a pedestal because of it. Remember, it was YOUR choice. When I had my first child my grandmother comforted me and let me know that shame would only do harm to me and the baby and to hold my head up and accept the consequences of my actions. She told me I was not the first nor the last and
that I should do my best to make a life for my child. My mother did not babysit all the time. She put me in a position to place a demand on the father of the child. And when he didn't come through I either missed out or I took my baby with me. My grandfather told me raising my child was what I was SUPPOSED to do and that "ain't nothing special" because it was no one else's responsibility but mine and the child's father. Period. Best advice I ever received. It helped me to stand tall and be the best mom I could be to both of my children. And when Mother's day came, I was honored for all the sacrifices I made to take care of them as a Mom. It had nothing to do with being single or because I deserved it. It was the CHOICE of those who recognized what I was doing and they honored it. Because whether I was recognized or not, the job had to be done and it was mine and their father's to
do.

Which brings me to my next point...

Father's day is for fathers. Period.

Not single mothers. That's Mother's day. Father's day is not a day to bash absentee fathers. Nor is it time to honor a mother for double duty. There is only one who can serve double duty...God. And unless you created heaven and earth, man and woman, fish and fowl, sun and moon, day and night...then the only role you are capable of filling is mother or father according to your gender.

There is nothing wrong with accepting the limitation of your role as a single mother or father when it comes to the duties that are left undone by an absent parent. That is when you seek out a mentor for your child that can help you.

Side Note: don't get upset because there is a shortage of mentors. The responsibilty belongs first to the mother or father that helped bring the child into the world. If someone chooses to mentor your child then consider it a BLESSING not a right.

That brings me to fathers. Where did this mentality come from that that some fathers have that it's ok to make a baby and then walk away? To leave the mother to raise your child alone? There is no excuse for that. This is why there is so much bashing going on. Unpaid support, little to no visits. Broken promises. You can't promise your child that you will come spend time with them and then when your situation changes and you can't make good on your word, you are a no call/no show. Then your child is upset and the mother has to comfort him or her because of your triflin' actions. Unacceptable. Period. Man up and handle your business. And if you are an active father that is wonderful but don't bash the mother of your children. If you don't live in the same house then you don't know the day to day operations. You can't make an assessment based on the two days out of the week that you see
your child. Instead, seek ways to be more of a help. Remember, this is to benefit your child.

I believe that there is so much resentment built up towards men that it is almost impossible for a lot of women to honor them on Father's day. And as a slap to the face of men and to bruise their ego, women step in on their day and claim it as their own to show them up. And to further remind them they are not needed.

But the truth is they are needed. Period.

For the sake of the children for generations to come, we have to begin by making better choices, accepting responsibilty for our actions, losing the mindset of entitlement, stop living a lassez fairre lifestyle and giving honor to whom honor is due.

Remembering My Father 1/30/45 - 5/21/07

This poem was written by me to honor my Dad, Edward Turner, Jr.

The Big Hearted Man

Conway, Arkansas is where it all began
Out if a small town comes the story of a big hearted man
Playing in cotton fields, molding dirt with his hands
Junebug loved to be in the sun
Playing with his toys 'cause he was the only one
Up north his parents went with him in tow
At the age of 6 he met a 9 month old girl, little did he know then she would change his world
As he grew older he collected stories to tell I future children
They would come to know them as "Dad's Words of Wisdom"
At a carwash the 9 month old girl had grown to. E a beautiful woman, eight months later they sealed their union
In 2 years time they had a baby girl and 3 years 10 months later a little early boy entered their world
He was a proud father who loved his kids, he supported their endeavors and cheered the sports they were in
Material things did not make up his wealth
He was rich in love and deeds heartfelt
He loved to cook fajitas and chili was his specialty
He sewed dresses for the mother of his children to wear through her maternity
When he had no car he ride 20 miles on a bike back and forth to work
Yes he had his faults but who can say they don't
Learning from his experiences he trained his children in the correct way to go following the word of God they were never provoked
He sometimes disappointed those who loved him most but his intentions were pure and of his big heart all can boast
Son, Husband, Father, friend he did his best until his end
He left here suddenly and without notice
Our hearts are heavy and we are sad
But he accomplished his greatest desire
By giving us all the love he had

In Defense of Mediocrity

I have a question...

Why do we defend mediocrity, raising it like a banner and carrying it around as though it is something to be proud of, living under the radar as if it's acceptable to be there, casting out those who rise above it's level, completing assignments and projects that produce sub par results, arguing that it isn't THAT serious and I KNOW what I'm SUPPOSED to do I just CHOOSE not to, thinking that it's okay to speak broken English in front of our friends and family but we change when we want to be impressive, only to fall short because poor practice makes perfect failure, getting frustrated when challenged to improve our grammar skills and then get annoyed when someone points it out, standing on the phrase "it's JUST ______" not realizing that is simply code for "I'm comfortable with the perception that I'm ignorant", feeling like it's okay to present ourselves as too lazy to take the time to
operate in excellence at all times in all things, wanting to take the easy way out so we find the most influential individuals and we "hang on" and "brown nose" in hopes of impressing them to get ahead by riding their coat tails with a sense of haughtiness and arrogance towards others looking for a shortcut to success, as if going above and beyond is odd and unusual?

Why do we defend mediocrity, as if we will ever progress with it's crippling mind set, to never rise above what is expected, when taking the easy way out is the wrong way in, all the while revelling in ignorance as if it is a great prize to be had, while merely existing and not living, breathing God's air as though it is a right and not the privilege that it is, passing on to our children that just enough is enough and even then it's too much, instilling in them that average equals normal and being normal makes you acceptable to others, all the while knowing that nothing great, groundbreaking or significant was ever achieved by anyone who did LESS of what was expected of them, knowing it's destruction only to realize that we have no one to blame but ourselves when we sit by and agree with it.

Why do we defend mediocrity?

The Best and Worst: Oscar Fashions 2010

I truly enjoyed the Oscars last night. It was fun to watch the broadcast with my husband and teenage kids! There are definately a few more movies that we want to see, and I am always up for a movie night with my Huhneee. while I enjoyed the show itself, I am a girly girl and my main focus was on the fashions! So here is my picks for best and worst dressed...

Bad news is always better when it is given first, so here goes...

Zoe Saldana - in Givenchy. Hair and makeup, gorgeous! But that dress...there are no words! It was way too busy. The entire dress seemed to swallow her whole...

Diane Kruger – ummm, yeah. Not sure what this is, but it is NOT good.

Sarah Jessica Parker – I don't know where to begin. Her hair was a hot mess! It looked like she had a huge Danish on the back of her head, and her edges were unruly! Did she take a nap, wake up and get dressed? Next, the dress…ACK! The color was beautiful, but it looked as though the dress OWNED her and not the other way around and is that a SEAM down the middle?!?

Miley Cyrus- I wasn't crazy about the color of her gown, it seemed to wash her out. I did like the fact that younger actors and actresses were included in the ceremony, but why didn't someone tell that child to "STAND UP STRAIGHT"?

Charlize Theron – her dress was a hideous mess. That is all.

Jennifer Lopez...sorry J.Lo. Entirely too much fabric...it looks so heavy!

Carrie Mulligan...I almost liked this dress until I realized there were forks and spoons all over it. Ummmm no! And girlfriend...those shoes are cute, but NOT with that dress!

On a brighter note…

Sandra Bullock…Oscar ready!

Meryl Streep looked lovely and classic in white…

Helen Mirren Sophistication.

Queen Latifah…Loved it!

Penelope Cruz beautiful!

Kate Winslet...Lovely.

Maggie Gyllenhaal...loved the print!

Sigourney Weaver ravishing in red! Not so sure about the black bow…

Paula Patton and Robin Thicke...even though she wasn't wearing sapphire blue, she looked beautiful and Robin...HOTTIE!

Gabourey Sidibe, Mo'Nique, and Mariah Carey…loved how the women of "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire all turned up in sapphire blue…

Congratulations to the winners of the evening and to all the nominees, job well done!

A Sure Foundation

*This is a re-post, but I thought it was worth a second look! ENJOY*

So, you have a fantastic dress, killer shoes, jewelry, trendy bag, a flattering hairstyle,impecable make-up, with manicured hands and feet.
But you just don't look "pulled together". You feel there something missing. You continually look in the mirror trying to figure out why your clothes just don't "hang" properly on your body. Take a closer look.

Can you see it? Here's a hint. It's right under your outfit!

Yes, your undergarments. Think it's no big deal? Well that's where you're mistaken!

Everything that you put on under your clothing affects the way the clothes fit. So before we get into choosing flattering garments for your body or the importance of accessories, hair and make-up.

Let's get down to the nitty gritty!

What's Holding You Up?

First let's talk about the girls. Did you know that the right bra can actually make you look younger? It's true. A good bra should be uplifting, supportive, and flattering. Just like a good friend. The first thing you should do is take out the best bra you have or your favorite bra (if you have it on, great!) Look in the mirror, do you have a shelf in the middle of your chest or does it look more like a downward slope? Do you have spillage in the front or on the sides? How about the dreaded "uniboob", this occurs when your bra gives no separation. Finally, is your bra strap digging into your shoulders leaving marks that resemble a valley?

Girlfriend, you need to throw that bra away and get a new one!

The first step is to get properly measured. I recommend the following places, Lane Bryant, Cacique, Bloomingdale's, Macy's, JC Penney, Dillard's, and Nordstrom's. These stores usually have trained bra experts and can give you accurate measurements. I don't recommend doing the measuring yourself. To get an accurate reading, you need someone else to do it. So get your girlfriends together and head to the mall for a day of fun and bra shopping!

Now that you are armed with the correct measurements, it's time to get a bra. There are several styles out there. Keep in mind that color is not the only thing to consider when purchasing a bra.

*SIDE NOTE* do not wear a white or black bra under a white shirt or blouse. Both colors are clearly visible. Find a bra that matches your skin color and wear that under white. Trust me, this works!

My favorite bra is by Cacique, it is called the 6 in 1. It has interchanable straps (clear and colored) and it can be worn strapless. My favorite part is how the straps can be moved to accomodate any dress or top.

The stores I mentioned earlier, have the best selection for full and plus sized divas. Do not be afraid to spend money for a bra. This is an investment. You are only wasting your time buying a cheap bra! DON'T DO IT! You are worth the extra money! To extend the life of your precious investment, hand wash them and hang them to dry. Putting them in the washing machine and dryer only breaks them down.

More Than A Fig Leaf

Let's talk panties! I think worse than a uniboob is "creepers". Creepers are panties that wedgie themselves. The remedy for this is to simply buy panties that FIT! Your dress size determines your panty size. So to get the size panties you must be truthful about your dress size. Just remember, it is only a number, your only focus should be fit.

Panties like bras come in different styles, but not all styles were made for all women. The number one rule is to make sure your panties cover your rear. Panty lines are a no-no. Too loose or too tight is not good either. Remember, cotton panties are the best choice!

The Wearable Vaccuum

Shapers should suck in and not create new bulges. Choosing the right one is key. It should be the proper size and make your clothes fit smoothly. The most popular shaper is Spanx. If that seems a bit out of budget, try Assets, the same company that produces Spanx sells Assets. You can usually find them at Target. I've worn both and I have to say the money spent for the Spanx was well worth it, but the Assets was close.

Now that you've got these tips, use them! This is just the beginning.

Next, we'll talk about choosing the right clothes for your body.

My First Article

Spring Branch Elementary, Houston, Texas 1983. I was a fifth grader in Mr. Steve Bennett's music class, when he announced that he would start a school newspaper and was looking for reporters. I quickly signed up and was soon added to the roster as a reporter for the "Cub Chronicle".
By spring semester I was promoted to Assistant Editor and learned a great deal about newspaper layout, and editing articles for content, grammar and structure. Funny how your past is a foreshadowing of your future.
One day, I hope to find Mr. Steve Bennett and thank him for seeing and nurturing the gift of writing in me, but for also igniting the flame that still burns to do the same for the students I encounter.
I will forever cherish my pink, spiral bound collection of our school newspaper, for years to come!

Feast Time

This year second grade is having a Thanksgiving celebration. It will be in the cafeteria at nine o'clock on Tuesday.
The goodies are, popcorn, peanuts, and each child will bring one apple. All second grade teachers are in charge.
Three rooms will be Indians and two rooms will be Pilgrims. Happy feasting all you second graders!

Reporter: Lillian Turner

Like Lilly Like Wilson

I heard a snippet of this poem in my Theater class a couple of days ago and my interest was piqued. When I finally read it I loved the message it sends to teachers. I'm seriously considering making my class a "Like - Free Zone"...

Like Lilly Like Wilson

by Taylor Mali

I'm writing the poem that will change the world,
and it's Lilly Wilson at my office door.
Lilly Wilson, the recovering like addict,
the worst I've ever seen.
So bad the whole eighth grade
started calling her Like Lilly Like Wilson.
'Till I declared my class a Like-Free Zone
and she could not speak for days.

But when she finally did, it was to say,
Mr. Mali, this is . . . so hard.
Now I have to . . . think before I . . . say anything.

Imagine that, Lilly.

It's for your own good.
Even if you don't like . . .
it.

I'm writing the poem that will change the world,
and it's Lilly Wilson at my office door.
Lilly is writing a research paper for me about how gays
like shouldn't be allowed to adopt children.
I'm writing the poem that will change the world,
and it's Like Lilly Like Wilson at my office door.

Lilly's having trouble finding sources,
which is to say, ones that back her up:
They all argue in favor of what I thought I was against.

And it took all four years of college,
three years of graduate school,
and every incidental teaching experience I have ever had
to let out only,

That's a real interesting problem, Lilly.
But what do you propose to do about it?
That's what I want to know.

And the eighth-grade mind is a beautiful thing;
Like a new-born baby's face, you can often see it
change before your very eyes.

I can't believe I'm saying this, Mr. Mali,
but I think I'd like to switch sides.

And I want to tell her to do more than just believe it,
but to enjoy it! That changing your mind is one of the best ways
of finding out whether you still have one.
Or even that minds are like parachutes,
that it doesn't so much matter what you pack them with
so long as they open
at the right time.

I want to say all this but manage only,
Lilly, I am like so impressed with you.

So I finally taught someone something,
namely, how to change your mind.
And learned in the process that if I ever change the world
it's going to be one eighth grader at a time.